Today was sort of a surreal day for me. Exactly one year ago today, I was
sitting in the ambulatory surgery center at Weill-Cornell Medical Center waiting
for an orchiectomy. This was after a whirlwind diagnosis between Christmas and
New Year’s, where I went from having a little back pain to finding out I had
cancer. And exactly one year ago today, I learned that the cancer had spread and
I would need additional treatment.
I’m still trying to get my head around everything that happened. While it’s
obviously had a permanent impact on my life, it is also very weird to think that
this all happened within the past 12 months. Maybe it was just the way I’ve been
dealing with it, but it feels like the distant past to me now.
What was perhaps even more surreal, however, was the fact – exactly one year
later – I spent all morning at Weill-Cornell Medical Center going through nearly
the same battery of tests. This year, the CAT scan and blood tests showed
nothing and my appointment with Dr. Scherr was decidedly more positive. Of
course, simply spending a few hours in the hospital – especially on the
anniversary of such a fateful day – brings with it a wave and range of emotions
that was difficult for me to fully comprehend. I have been simultaneously angry
and grateful and nervous and relieved and relaxed and terrified today.
On the whole, I feel absolutely wonderful. I’m in better shape now than I
have been in years – of course, working Equinox will help with that. There are still some
lingering side effects from the surgery and chemotherapy - the most notable of
which is neuropathy,
which basically means occasional numbness and tingling in my feet and arms,
cramping in my legs, and related complications – but overall I have very little
to complain about.
I’ve talked a lot in the past about how adversity figures in and how this
experience has made me a stronger person – but I decided I also want to be able
to say that literally. After turning 30 and beating cancer, I decided a good
goal was to beat my personal bests in weightlifting. So, consider this my
public commitment - by the end of this year, I will either do a single rep of
550 lbs or do 35 reps of 225 lbs. I’ve only started lifting heavy again in
recent weeks, but I think this is something I can do… and I will literally be
able to say I cam out of this thing stronger.
(Cross-posted from tmarman.com)